You Oughta Know

 

Disclaimer:  Harry Potter and all characters contained in it belong to the fabulous J. K. Rowling.  The song “You Ought Know” belongs to the equally fabulous Alanis Morisette.  I’m just borrowing the both of them for this angsty ficlet.

 

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I want you to know that I'm happy for you
I wish nothing but the best for you both

 

I saw you hurry off with her after breakfast.  You left at different times of course.  Wouldn’t want anyone seeing you leave together.  Wouldn’t want anyone to know who you left me for. 

 

But I need to be happy.  I have to be happy that you’re happy.

 

An older version of me
Is she perverted like me
Would she go down on you in a theater

 

We had some fun times together though, didn’t we?  Sneaking off to the Shrieking Shack.  Hiding in that cave by the lake.  You take her there now.  I know you do.  I went yesterday and saw the left over food.  I know you had a picnic.  You never took me on a picnic.

 

Does she speak eloquently
And would she have your baby
I'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother

 

All those brothers I know would help.  Unless they disabled you first.  I could never be a mother.  You know that.  I know you want children.  I also know you’re scared.  You don’t want to turn into your father.  Does she know that?  Does she know all about your fears?  Does she know that you still sleep with a light on out of habit?  It’s from all those nights when you were young, so you could see your father coming before he hit you.  She doesn’t know any of that, does she?

 

She doesn’t know what I know.

 

'Cause the love that you gave that we made
wasn't able to make it enough for you to be open wide, no

 

I loved you.  I love you.

 

And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, 'til you died
But you're still alive

 

You promised.  More than once.  I can remember still the first time you told me that you loved me.  It was fifth year, right before holiday break.  You admitted to me that you never felt love before.  You didn’t know what it felt like to love, or to be loved.  I reached out for you and touched you.  You wrapped your arms around me and we stood there, all alone.  You were shaking when you confessed everything to me.  You confessed that this feeling you had was love.  You never wanted anything to come between us.  You held onto me for an eternity before finally letting go and just staring at me.  Very quietly, almost inaudible, you whispered, “I love you.”  I can still feel your breath on my cheek.

 

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

 

I did everything for you.  I gave my life for you.  Not literally of course, or I wouldn’t be able to tell you this.  But I did.  I have the mark on my arm to prove it.  We went together, you know?  Or did you forget?  Did you forget the pain and the agony as the blood burned into the skin of your arm?  Did you forget that I was there, that we held each other’s hands as we made our vows?  Did you forget that we’re bound together by a power greater than even love?

 

You seem very well, things look peaceful

 

You still smile.  You still laugh.  You still tease.  You still taunt.

 

I'm not quite as well, I thought you should know

 

I can’t think.  I can’t sleep.  I can’t concentrate.  I can’t speak

 

Did you forget about me Mr. Duplicity
I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner
It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced
Are you thinking of me when you fuck her?

 

I was your first you know.  That’s something you’ll never share with anyone, not even her.  Yes, you may be her first.  You may lie and say that she’s yours.  But I know better.  I could tell everyone what happened that night over break in the Great Hall.  We snuck in, didn’t we?  You like to live dangerously.  I followed suit.  It was amazing.  Do you think of me, of that night, when you’re with her?  Merlin, I hope so.

 

'Cause the love that you gave that we made
wasn't able to make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, 'til you died
But you're sill alive

 

I can also remember the last time you told me you loved me.  It was about two and a half months ago, after the first Quidditch match of the year.  You caught the snitch.  Everyone was so excited.  I was so excited.  You pulled me into your arms and told me then.  It was the last time you ever kissed me.

 

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

 

You oughta know how much this hurts.  It does hurt.  All over.

 

'Cause the joke that you laid in the bed that was me
And I'm not gonna fade
As soon as you close your eyes and you know it

 

You’ll never get away from me either.  Every day I’ll be in the common room.  Every meal I’ll be sitting next to you.  Every class I’ll be copying your homework.  Every Quidditch match I’ll be there in the stands.  Every summer I’ll be over for dinner.  Every night I’ll haunt your dreams.  I’ll be everywhere.

And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back
I hope you feel it...well can you feel it?

 

I hope you know that I love you.  I hope you know that I hate you too.  I hope you know I don’t care what you and the freckle-faced goody-two-shoes do.  I hope she hurts you just as much as you’ve hurt me.

 

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The End.

 

 

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